Anxiety in Planning

I spent most of last week mildly anxious over the wedding. Somewhere in the middle of May I realized we had entered the “less than five months left” to plan this shindig. Now I realize that it’s actually closer to four months rather than five – and soon will be even less than that. Adding to that, it seems that every day someone asks me how the planning is going or how much time until the wedding. It was like having a countdown over my head at a time when I needed it the least.

I voiced my anxiety in a mild sort of way – both acknowledging it and not really understanding what to do with it. It’s hard to get really worked up over something that seems so far away, both spatially and time-wise. The other thing is that, aside from the food, wine, and our family and friends being there, the rest is all just extra for me. At first I tried to troubleshoot what I was feeling by addressing any concerns I had. I treated it like work, and tried to work on logistics as a way to handle my emotions. I spent a lot of time texting with my MOH Laura to figure out centerpieces. With each question, I found myself unable to make any sort of decision. Even while voicing some sort of preference, I felt like I needed to let her know that I wasn’t set on any idea in particular. I laughed when she asked me what our theme was. Do we need a theme? Isn’t the celebration of our relationship and commitment to each other enough? I offered up some colors and ideas, unsure of what it would bring.

Although we talked about some good options, my anxiety stayed with me. Justin and I were sort of orbiting around each other all week, busy with work and extracurricular activities. By Saturday I felt like we finally had a moment to breathe. During our walk to the farmer’s market I was able to share with him my concerns over some of the planning. Somewhere between picking up strawberries, deciding which bread to get (onion rye), and walking back through the arch at Grand Army Plaza, we sorted it out. I didn’t need to worry about set up, or doing all of these things on my own. After all, it’s called “do it together” for a reason – not “do it alone.”

After the week of malaise it feels good to have a sense of calm and preparedness for the wedding. Whether or not we get to do everything we would like to do, there are definitely things that are more important than our centerpieces.


About Ania K

Writing, cooking, and eating in Brooklyn.
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