Day Five of Marriage: Still Sick

Now that the wedding is over (which I’m still processing), we’ve quickly moved on to other things. Of course we had some fun on the first day – we made a stop in Pittsburgh on the way home from Ohio and had some champagne brought up to the room. At dinner later that night I demanded to be taken home and given NyQuil. It seems that I caught the cold everyone had at the wedding. Go ahead and make the joke I just set up: marriage makes you sick.

Instead of dwelling on too long on the wedding, we went back to business. For the first time in a year, I felt that maybe I could let go of some of my spreadsheets and to do lists. So I hoped. Instead I quickly found myself working on a new one for thank you cards and, later, countless lists for work. I’m not sure if our lives are so different today than they were a week ago, but the wedding has left me feeling as though now is the time to be setting up a home.

My email subjects have changed – they no longer start with a headline of URGENT followed by a question about who’s coming or how we need a guestbook. Although the one I sent earlier about kitchen storage was one that I wanted to list as really important. While I’m making lists, they’re more about our day to day life: laundry, getting more cat food, etc. In a way, the wedding feels like a hiccup, a brief interruption from our regularly scheduled activities. I didn’t come away from it with any obvious change (aside from an extra ring on one finger), I left changed. 

I understand why people choose to change their last names. After such an important moment, you want to feel different. The etiquette books tell me that I’m not a “Mrs.” since I didn’t take on his last name, so I’m even missing out on that aspect of it. I’m taking the time to set up our home, temporary as it may be. When we talk about our careers and lifestyle choices, I realize that we have not settled yet in our journey. Aside from the obvious renting aspect, these first few days of married life reflect where we are in our lives both separately and together. We are not yet wedded to the lifestyle we have (no pun intended). With this next phase of life I feel secure knowing that I have a partner with me, but I realize that the other aspects of our life are more fluid. I’m certain that within a year we will move to a new apartment, but that we may also want to get a dog, or maybe one of us will find a new job. When looking at a longer timeline, I know that I won’t always be at a cubicle – or whatever this more open form of a cubicle is that I currently have. But I think I have found the most important element to the journey: my partner. In that vulnerable moment where we exchanged vows, I realized that we can make the other decisions together.


About Ania K

Writing, cooking, and eating in Brooklyn.
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