Not so internal dialoguing

I find myself suffering from a distinct lack of direction. While I try to blame unemployment for this at every point I can, it seems to be seeping into other more enjoyable aspects of my life. I spend my days in a daze — enjoying the vacation-like aspect of unemployment by taking midday naps, and then rushing to apply to jobs and get to interviews. I hype myself up on the way to interviews, reminding myself that I should get a job soon, as though that’s a question I haven’t decided the answer to.

The rest of the day I spend sitting with the book open at my side, dutifully ignoring it. I chat with friends, idly look at jobs (without applying of course), and look at recipes that are not in the book. I don’t consider it to be cheating. After finding a recipe for garlic soup in my Google Reader, I quickly flip to the book to see if there’s one in there as well. Success! But I’m not sick and it doesn’t feel like garlic soup weather. I begin wonder if it’s cheating to make the peach tart or apple charlotte, which are basically vegan to start. I tell myself that I owe to myself, the community at large, to test the recipes, even if it’s just to attest to their delicious flavor. And there’s a curiosity regarding the apple charlotte — in Poland we would make szarlotka, but it seems that the only similarity is the name. It’s more of an apple tart, without the strips of white bread soaked in butter, asked for in Julia’s recipe.

Despite all of the hemming and hawing over the recipe, the blog, what time to schedule a nap for, I seem to have settled on my next venture: two desserts, one day.